Oh it's been quite some time since my last post... I apologize as I had no idea how time consuming a blog could really be. It literally eats away at the hours of your life. However I have come across a blog-worthy item that I wish to share with you all. Please put your hands together for the musical whimsy of 'DJ Strombole" and "Lord of the Dance" as we kick up a lyrical masterpiece for you.
Joel: you best believe i bought $9 worth of bread at the grocery store earlier today
Lord: o my
Joel: yep can't get enough
Lord: u just cant get enuff... you just cant get enuff
Joel: boy i think about bread every niiiight and dayyyyy. i'm addicted wanna jump inside a loaaaf
Lord: Stromboli got his bread all steamin',
It givin' hottness a new meanin',
Perfection, sliced and gleamin',
Inception bread in your head, dreamin'
Joel: damn lordy i'm fiendin,
"can a brotha get some bread" i'm screamin,
gonna toast some up this evenin'
cinn-raison you know you are my demon
Lord: Strom, we could do a loaf-tripleteam and,
It could be me you the Queen-B and,
dirty bread thoughts happen while im sleepin',
Love you long time rye if you catch the meanin'
Can you name that song?
Kbye!
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Lent is Tomo!
Lent is comin' in hot... and after much deliberation on what I should give up.. I have decided that there are 3 things that I can do.
1. Giving up brewskis.... it is literally going to be one of the toughest things I have ever done. Because I love kicking back with a cold one after a hard week of work. I will just power through it and come out on top healthier and possibly skinnier.
2. Giving up cursing. Yes this one that's pretty normal for a lot of people and I wanted to add it on top of the beer guy because quite frankly... I've been cursing up the wizzwazz since college and it's about time it stopped. So i'm clamping down. Mandatory prayer after every curse that is uttered from my mouthface.
3. This is just a little extra one because I think during lent on top of doing things to help yourself you should do things for other people. So I'm giving up my seat on the subway indefinitely. Aka no matter what i'm doing I'll be standing on there so that others can sit down. I'll also hop off the train if someone needs to get on (assuming it's after work and or i'm not in a rush to get to work).
Just trying to turn life around for the better and hopefully this will help meh. Let me know what your Lenten promises will be... if anyone is still reading this. See you in 40 days! Or maybe like 5 with an update.
Lata!
1. Giving up brewskis.... it is literally going to be one of the toughest things I have ever done. Because I love kicking back with a cold one after a hard week of work. I will just power through it and come out on top healthier and possibly skinnier.
2. Giving up cursing. Yes this one that's pretty normal for a lot of people and I wanted to add it on top of the beer guy because quite frankly... I've been cursing up the wizzwazz since college and it's about time it stopped. So i'm clamping down. Mandatory prayer after every curse that is uttered from my mouthface.
3. This is just a little extra one because I think during lent on top of doing things to help yourself you should do things for other people. So I'm giving up my seat on the subway indefinitely. Aka no matter what i'm doing I'll be standing on there so that others can sit down. I'll also hop off the train if someone needs to get on (assuming it's after work and or i'm not in a rush to get to work).
Just trying to turn life around for the better and hopefully this will help meh. Let me know what your Lenten promises will be... if anyone is still reading this. See you in 40 days! Or maybe like 5 with an update.
Lata!
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
COMMON
pfffffft.... are you fur reallz wit dis. It's going to cost me $100 to get a license in mass... isnt it enuff that I have to become a resident of this terrible state... now they're forcing me to have to pay for it too... this is JUST. God knows how much it's going to freakin cost me to get a damn registration for my car. Hell. Hell to this damn place!! Ugh. It's a wish.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Quite lonely w/o Occupy
So aside from today being incredibly uneventful on the subway.. maybe because I went in early and took a train home at 9pm... I realized that the 1 minute walk from the bus that drops me off at South Station to the entrance to the subway is quite lonely now that there are no protesters Occupying the lawn space adjacent to the entrance of the subway. In fact I hate to say it... but I sort of just miss seeing all those people shut up in their tiny tents being miserably cold attempting to protest who knows what. It was kinda fun to pretend in that one instant of the day, instead of being a full-time laborer, I was an Occupy-ist doing literally nothing but sleeping in a tent and pooping on front doorsteps when people reject me from using their restroom. Isn't life just a wish sometimes? I pondered that subject for quite some time today.
JK --- Glad I can go deuce in my own bathroom, don't want to be one of them ever.
JK --- Glad I can go deuce in my own bathroom, don't want to be one of them ever.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
COMIN IN HOT!
The spiciness with which I am returning is literally JUST. Time to get back into the blog game. So I literally have no idea what any of my previous posts were and or what I promised to relate to you in them, so in the spirit of the New Year i'm starting fresh (i'm also just way too lazy to read anything i've already written, kbye). First order of business - 
Bearded ACB.
That said, next order of business: I am living in a new abode. It's quite spacious and nice (minus the holes in the wall where windows should be... well there are windows but they do absolutely NOTHING to prevent heat from comin in.. its hell... a frozen... arctic hell). The newApt is pretty much becoming my dream bachelor pad. Color of choice: Black. Black curtains, black bookcase, black lamps, black counter tops, black futon, black. It's going to be a real man cave in here. Auto-lifting black toilet seat is the next object on my list.
Third Item: Personal note for me to read the Strombole's blog and catch myself up on his life. He is just a child of the corn out there. Wishing him health, happiness, and millions of dollars out in LA.
☮ & ♥ Strombole! #4: Letting you know that life is exceedingly well for me and that I am as jovial as could be expected these days.
That's all I got for my first return blog post, not as exciting as I could have wished it to be but trust me there will be plenty of subway stories to tell you in a couple days! Check back tomorrow (or Tuesday) for another update.
!
Friday, December 30, 2011
Monday, December 12, 2011
Ok...
Alright so don't yell at me, I know its been a while since the last post. Let's just say i'm fat and lazy. Literally have gained 20lbs since I moved out away from Boston. It's hell. I have a couple posts that I will do my best to get to before Xmas and the topics are as follows:
- The last of the Movember pics.
- Thanksgiving with my fampam.
- My company's holiday party.
- Wine night with Tot.
- Christmas cookies and how I love them.
That is all. Kbye.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Quick beard-status
The beard continues to grow. I've noticed the 'stache is beginning to reach to my lips and it's feeling a bit weird. Awkward food stuck up there too one time, luckily I was hungry later on in the day and it actually came in handy... mmm.. turkey. I apologize for the lack of posts, this week has been killer. Working twelve-thirteen hours days plus 3-4 hours for commute = at its worst, an 18 hour work day. Up at 4ish to catch the early train to get to work by 630ish, leave work by 8, back to the house by 10. Literally a wish for this to not be my life forever. Oh well - FIGHT, ME.
Day #11
Day #14
Getting fat as a snail also due to lack of exercise/movement/energy/time. Life. On a happier note, thanksgiving is right around the corner! CANNOT WAIT to get to NC to partake in some feasting on my momma's delicious food. Literally will be 3 days of stuffing my face until I can't breathe. MmmmmMMm.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Day... ACB
Normally I would say it's as dark as the inside of an overgrown snail's shell when I get out of work. But due to a new sign that they've constructed right outside my building it is as bright as if the sun were 2 feet away and shining directly into your face. I kid you not this thing glows like an enormous neon glow stick. It hurts the eyes to look at. Your retinas literally are singed every time you look at this thing. Just stare at the pic, you'll see what I mean.
Rough week, I'll continue the driving post at some point later on.
KBYE!
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Movember Begins - Crazy Drivers Continue - Rochester Madness
Movember Log:
Day 1 - Clean shaven.. oh I shaved in both directions, with and against the grain, just to ensure I wasn't cheating & at the optimal smoothness.
Day 4 - The end of the week, the stubble is just amassing (although u can't really tell cause my beard is blonde as a snail who has been in the sun for a hundred days).
That last one was a little terminator humor for ya... guys should know what i'm talkin bout. Ha. Ha.
Now getting back to my previous post on kinds of driving, I believe I was about to describe number 2 on the list, Passive.
2. Passive - I think we're all pretty much entirely familiar with passive driving (unless you're a monster truck driver... or even just a regular truck driver really). This is straight up however you drive on any given day when your mood is between raging hot death and tranquilized like a druggy. Generally this type of driving is preferred by all and it helps to maintain civility on the road. People often can't differentiate between passive driving, oblivious driving and old people driving so I'll take a moment to describe the subtle differences. For one thing.. you have to be old to drive like an old person. There is literally no way to fake driving like someone who's old. They're unpredictable in a very predictable way.. which makes copy-catting their moves and techniques neigh impossible. You'd probably have to be somewhere between drunk, blind, high, and experiencing extreme pain for your driving to come even close to theirs. Some signs of old people driving.. swerving (drunk), turning onto the road with little regard for other cars (blind), the ability drive & have it appear as if everything is under control, while either not looking or while leaning very close to the windshield (high), switching lanes when no lanes are present, driving in multiple lanes at once, or accelerating and decelerating on a whim (extreme pain). They might not all make sense to you just now, but you'll notice it at some point when you are stuck in front of or behind an old person. Oblivious driving is more to do with your emotional state of mind at the time than anything else, it's pretty much the young persons "old people driving". Back to passive driving... as I was saying before, generally the best kind of driving except on occasions when it ins't conducive for the situation. For example, most traffic jams/rubber necking is caused by passive drivers... they are so calm and collected that upon seeing a wreck or some kind of flashing lights they become absorbed in whats going on and not on how fast they're going. This can lead to more accidents and severe delays for you and the rest of the entire world. My example of passive driving would be when I'm cruising home and rocking out to some Adele (she's a peach - almost a gem) at the top o my lungs.
I've described a lot about Old drivers but I will go more into that on my #5 post since there still is much that could be said.
Ooohh Rochester.... instead of taking 3 hours to provide for you a blow by blow (literally) account of the weekend, I'll sum it up with some carefully chosen pictures (not of the weekend) with some captions.
Thus ends another weekend I shan't be forgetting any time soon. Life returns to normal... and so will the strombole be returning to his normal home on the east coast, in a few short days. He's just COMIN IN. Theme-ing his weekend in Boston as follows:
Day 1 - Clean shaven.. oh I shaved in both directions, with and against the grain, just to ensure I wasn't cheating & at the optimal smoothness.
Day 7 - The beard has become self-aware..
Now getting back to my previous post on kinds of driving, I believe I was about to describe number 2 on the list, Passive.
2. Passive - I think we're all pretty much entirely familiar with passive driving (unless you're a monster truck driver... or even just a regular truck driver really). This is straight up however you drive on any given day when your mood is between raging hot death and tranquilized like a druggy. Generally this type of driving is preferred by all and it helps to maintain civility on the road. People often can't differentiate between passive driving, oblivious driving and old people driving so I'll take a moment to describe the subtle differences. For one thing.. you have to be old to drive like an old person. There is literally no way to fake driving like someone who's old. They're unpredictable in a very predictable way.. which makes copy-catting their moves and techniques neigh impossible. You'd probably have to be somewhere between drunk, blind, high, and experiencing extreme pain for your driving to come even close to theirs. Some signs of old people driving.. swerving (drunk), turning onto the road with little regard for other cars (blind), the ability drive & have it appear as if everything is under control, while either not looking or while leaning very close to the windshield (high), switching lanes when no lanes are present, driving in multiple lanes at once, or accelerating and decelerating on a whim (extreme pain). They might not all make sense to you just now, but you'll notice it at some point when you are stuck in front of or behind an old person. Oblivious driving is more to do with your emotional state of mind at the time than anything else, it's pretty much the young persons "old people driving". Back to passive driving... as I was saying before, generally the best kind of driving except on occasions when it ins't conducive for the situation. For example, most traffic jams/rubber necking is caused by passive drivers... they are so calm and collected that upon seeing a wreck or some kind of flashing lights they become absorbed in whats going on and not on how fast they're going. This can lead to more accidents and severe delays for you and the rest of the entire world. My example of passive driving would be when I'm cruising home and rocking out to some Adele (she's a peach - almost a gem) at the top o my lungs.
I've described a lot about Old drivers but I will go more into that on my #5 post since there still is much that could be said.
Ooohh Rochester.... instead of taking 3 hours to provide for you a blow by blow (literally) account of the weekend, I'll sum it up with some carefully chosen pictures (not of the weekend) with some captions.
 |
| The long road to Rochester NY |
 |
| Filling up the tank |
 |
| Up the wazz |
 |
| SEE FRIENDS!!! |
 |
| Costumes |
 |
| Partying, dranks, general organized CHaos |
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| Tha BAAAAAHs |
 |
| Walking home: Intox'ed for sure |
 |
| Punched. |
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| Penn State? |
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| Safe ride home.. lost gum. |
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| Justifiable anger towards me |
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| Sleep.. recovery |
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| Forgiveness |
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| Repeat... minus all the punches/cops/anger |
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| Drive home to blizzardy hell |
Thus ends another weekend I shan't be forgetting any time soon. Life returns to normal... and so will the strombole be returning to his normal home on the east coast, in a few short days. He's just COMIN IN. Theme-ing his weekend in Boston as follows:
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Pass Me on a Double Yellow... OH REALLY.
First off... DAMN YOU WALMART. Been out and about looking for a heaty blanket because the house i'm living in gets to be -31239123 degrees at night. It's basically like there are no windows at all. I get out of the shower in the morning and the steam is just radiating off my bod, and then about 5 minutes later my hair is nearly an icicle. It is literally frigid. So cold right now that my fingers are going numb. Well anyway today I went to Wal-Mart (Target yesterday) and was planning on making it an in and out mission. But of course as soon as I walk into the store BAM, 'ween candy up the wazz. Now normally i'd be like 'f that crap, way too expensive for my taste buds', but of course they had to put up some damn '50% off Halloween Candy' signs. So naturally I have to browse for some deals. And i'm figuring that nothing in the entire store could be that expensive and of course they have NO PRICES on them whatsoever. Well guess what... everything is still friggin expensive. I bought a bag of candy that was $20 bucks, so it cost me $10! I was expecting $2.50 or something.... it was terrible. I know ten isn't a lot, but I mean.. I would not have gone for it at all. Obviously couldn't back out of the transaction because when I realized how much it was as the lady scanned it, the line was a billion people long behind me and people were already yelling a bit (wtf, is this the speedy chexout or what!). So now I have a 20lb, $10 bag of candy to eat. Fat as can be in t-minus 1 week. FAIL.
Secondly, I'm about to rant HARD on the wonderful dummys share the road with me. Let me just say that I don't consider myself a perfect driver. I don't always make the smart move when it comes to driving, but on the whole, I like to think I do a pretty decent job of respecting the road, other people, and my sweet little bullpup (mah car). Now I've had some time to think and I've decided that there are generally 5 different kinds of driving (not drivers, but ways of driving... anyone can drive these ways (even the last one)). They are as follows: Aggressive, Passive, Oblivious, Dumb and Old driving. Lets run through them one at a time:
1. Aggressive: This is the kinda guy who passed me on the road today. I don't usually drive slow, in fact most of the time I'm gunnin' it around town doing 7 or 8 mph over minimum. When I see someone riding my ass and I'm going above the speed limit already I have 1 of 2 moves that I usually pull. One is to slow down to the speed limit and just start laughing. The other is to just accelerate to a good 20 or 30 mph over the limit and cruise away. So when this guy was riding my ass today I decided to employ technique #1, I just slowed down to a crawl (I knew there was a traffic light which usually has a bunch of traffic just over the hill). After decelerating to the max, this guy proceeds to pass me on a double yellow lined road. Now I've been in a hurry before so I know what it's like to want the guy in front to go faster, but never would I ever pass someone like that (or tailgate them like he was to me), it's just a bad move for a ton of reasons. So as this dude passes me I'm like whaaat, but then I laugh cause I know he's about to hit a butt ton of traffic, which of course he does! So I basically pull up behind him as close as could be and just keep inching and inching, throw on the high beams too of course. The dude then pops out of the lane again but this time on the right and flies down the shoulder and through a motha flippin red light!! It was nuts. Like for reallz with you and your absurd driving?! Dude must have been preggers & birthing. Just don't enjoy being that kind of driver or being pursued by one. I usually only hit aggressive mode when someone does something really stupid, but even then I usually just curse really loud in an absurd kinda voice which proceeds to make me laugh which then turns into me shrugging it off. A wish for people to chill out in this econ, it would reduce the # of accidents. FOR REAL.
I'll continue my next couple posts with some descriptions of encounters with these other types of driving (and perhaps my experiences driving that way).
Secondly, I'm about to rant HARD on the wonderful dummys share the road with me. Let me just say that I don't consider myself a perfect driver. I don't always make the smart move when it comes to driving, but on the whole, I like to think I do a pretty decent job of respecting the road, other people, and my sweet little bullpup (mah car). Now I've had some time to think and I've decided that there are generally 5 different kinds of driving (not drivers, but ways of driving... anyone can drive these ways (even the last one)). They are as follows: Aggressive, Passive, Oblivious, Dumb and Old driving. Lets run through them one at a time:
1. Aggressive: This is the kinda guy who passed me on the road today. I don't usually drive slow, in fact most of the time I'm gunnin' it around town doing 7 or 8 mph over minimum. When I see someone riding my ass and I'm going above the speed limit already I have 1 of 2 moves that I usually pull. One is to slow down to the speed limit and just start laughing. The other is to just accelerate to a good 20 or 30 mph over the limit and cruise away. So when this guy was riding my ass today I decided to employ technique #1, I just slowed down to a crawl (I knew there was a traffic light which usually has a bunch of traffic just over the hill). After decelerating to the max, this guy proceeds to pass me on a double yellow lined road. Now I've been in a hurry before so I know what it's like to want the guy in front to go faster, but never would I ever pass someone like that (or tailgate them like he was to me), it's just a bad move for a ton of reasons. So as this dude passes me I'm like whaaat, but then I laugh cause I know he's about to hit a butt ton of traffic, which of course he does! So I basically pull up behind him as close as could be and just keep inching and inching, throw on the high beams too of course. The dude then pops out of the lane again but this time on the right and flies down the shoulder and through a motha flippin red light!! It was nuts. Like for reallz with you and your absurd driving?! Dude must have been preggers & birthing. Just don't enjoy being that kind of driver or being pursued by one. I usually only hit aggressive mode when someone does something really stupid, but even then I usually just curse really loud in an absurd kinda voice which proceeds to make me laugh which then turns into me shrugging it off. A wish for people to chill out in this econ, it would reduce the # of accidents. FOR REAL.
I'll continue my next couple posts with some descriptions of encounters with these other types of driving (and perhaps my experiences driving that way).
Monday, October 31, 2011
Suck It Prostate Cancer. You Fiend.
Movember! or No Shave November! as the world has come to know them, are terms that describe a month celebrating the supreme glory that men can achieve on their faces. It also supports the awareness of prostate cancer in men (equally as important I would say). Now being that I work for a company that prides itself in professionalism I shan't be participating in no shave November. However due to the fact that mustaches are classy as could be, I will begin an epic journey in which I will attempt to acquire a most excellent 'stache via Movember (Movember is focused on the growing of a clean 'stache which accentuates the face but does not overwhelm it with hair). Yes I am willing to risk ridicule and criticism all for making myself look even better than usual through the ways of a 'stache. I don't know how long mine will get in a month or what it will look like, but I hope you will join me on this adventure, I will be updating my Movember profile pic every monday and friday to show how off the manliness. Don't hesitate to cheer me on!@
P.S. Blogging about the Rochester trip over the coming weekend when I have 2-3 hours to devote to it!
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
I'm in a Lot of Pain and I Only Have 2 Things
Dearest Bloggy-Poo,
I've hit quite a dry spell in the blog department the past couple of days. Literally life has been boring as a snail being a snail. In fact it's been so bad that I was tempted to just make a blog post all about my wonderful flannels. However due to the jealousy and pure hatred this would stir in your souls, I have decided to avoid this course of action. Luckily today I witnessed two lovely things that I will now share with you.
Returning home from work I managed to acquire a pretty nice spot on the train. How can any spot on the train be 'nice' you may wonder.. what does 'nice' really mean in the brain of TL you might also think.. or possibly you might be wondering what your next beverage will be today. I can answer all those questions simply. A 'nice' spot on the train in my brain and in real life is a seat that has been reupholstered in the past 2 months max. The seat looks brand spankin new & they've even put new foam in it so you don't sink down three feet when your bum hits it. These new seat are... how do you say... el whapo primero. Your next drink will be an orange fanta. Well anyway as the train begins to swell with passengers I merrily begin to read my book and glance up at the people boarding on occasion (to see if there is anyone I can blog about), when all of a sudden a pretty attractive chick comes and sits down next to me. Now my seat is a 2 seater so generally whoever sits next to you is awkwardly close. So I like to think that there were still a ton of seats open (aka sitting next to me wasn't a last resort) and she actually wanted to sit next to me. Essential the story boils down to me attempting to work up the courage to literally just say 1 word to her. As many of you know I have no interpersonal skills what-so-ev. I had a ton of opportunities to say something... first she started playing the game Jeweled or something on her nook guy. I watched for a little while and thought about suggesting a move to make in the game... but decided that would be too weird. Then she whipped out her phone cause her ringtone went off (she ignored the call)... I didn't know the song.. DRAT! Lastly she pulled out a crossword puzzle and started to zoom through it. I thought 'Now's my chance... I'll just find one I know and say it to her.. boom 1 word and i'll feel great about myself'. Well as you might guess I pretty much just sat there staring at her puzzle (I think she looked at me a few times funny but I was too focused on trying to get a word.. which I did pretty quickly). After figuring out what my word was I was about to say it when she filled it in on the damn board. Round 2... same thing happens.... 3, same... and when it gets to be the 4th time for this she stands up and leaves because it was her stop. Needless to say I was furious with myself and cried most of the rest of the way home.
Tale #2: Whilst driving home I decided to pick up some dinner at Target, per my standard routine these days. I perused the aisles for a while, buying some food and beverages. Eventually I collected all my stuff and went to the register. Of course my luck has been quite divine lately so as I'm approaching to wait on a 6-8 person line a light turns on for another register and I book it over there real quick. I load up the conveyor belt with my stuff and as the lady is about to start scanning I hear a very faint 'excuse me sir'.. 'excuse me'. Now i'm thinking oh great some jackwagon is gonna make me move all my crap off the belt because he or she was in the hugeass line and waiting longer than I was. As I turn I become aware that it's actually this tiny old lady who has an entire shopping cart with her which is completely empty save for 2 small small items. She's staring up at me with tiny beady cat eyes and says 'Do you mind if I go first... i'm in a lot of pain and I only have 2 things.' Now... I was tempted to just be like, sorry lady I'm tired as could be and if I don't get home soon I will literally pass out mid-walk and crack my skull open leading to my own death.. do you want that on your conscious? Fortunately for the lady I have a soul even tho I can be pretty dastardly at times. So I said of course, you sure can it's no problem. I let her cruise through the checkout (20 minutes trying to pay with pennies), and then she said thank you thank you and began walking away. After she got a good distance away I realized she forgot her 2 items so I ran them over to her and she looked like she was going to cry. Not sure if it was out of joy for my chivalry, or pain cause of her back spasms and rickets. Either way I felt pretty good about myself... go me.
I've hit quite a dry spell in the blog department the past couple of days. Literally life has been boring as a snail being a snail. In fact it's been so bad that I was tempted to just make a blog post all about my wonderful flannels. However due to the jealousy and pure hatred this would stir in your souls, I have decided to avoid this course of action. Luckily today I witnessed two lovely things that I will now share with you.
Returning home from work I managed to acquire a pretty nice spot on the train. How can any spot on the train be 'nice' you may wonder.. what does 'nice' really mean in the brain of TL you might also think.. or possibly you might be wondering what your next beverage will be today. I can answer all those questions simply. A 'nice' spot on the train in my brain and in real life is a seat that has been reupholstered in the past 2 months max. The seat looks brand spankin new & they've even put new foam in it so you don't sink down three feet when your bum hits it. These new seat are... how do you say... el whapo primero. Your next drink will be an orange fanta. Well anyway as the train begins to swell with passengers I merrily begin to read my book and glance up at the people boarding on occasion (to see if there is anyone I can blog about), when all of a sudden a pretty attractive chick comes and sits down next to me. Now my seat is a 2 seater so generally whoever sits next to you is awkwardly close. So I like to think that there were still a ton of seats open (aka sitting next to me wasn't a last resort) and she actually wanted to sit next to me. Essential the story boils down to me attempting to work up the courage to literally just say 1 word to her. As many of you know I have no interpersonal skills what-so-ev. I had a ton of opportunities to say something... first she started playing the game Jeweled or something on her nook guy. I watched for a little while and thought about suggesting a move to make in the game... but decided that would be too weird. Then she whipped out her phone cause her ringtone went off (she ignored the call)... I didn't know the song.. DRAT! Lastly she pulled out a crossword puzzle and started to zoom through it. I thought 'Now's my chance... I'll just find one I know and say it to her.. boom 1 word and i'll feel great about myself'. Well as you might guess I pretty much just sat there staring at her puzzle (I think she looked at me a few times funny but I was too focused on trying to get a word.. which I did pretty quickly). After figuring out what my word was I was about to say it when she filled it in on the damn board. Round 2... same thing happens.... 3, same... and when it gets to be the 4th time for this she stands up and leaves because it was her stop. Needless to say I was furious with myself and cried most of the rest of the way home.
Tale #2: Whilst driving home I decided to pick up some dinner at Target, per my standard routine these days. I perused the aisles for a while, buying some food and beverages. Eventually I collected all my stuff and went to the register. Of course my luck has been quite divine lately so as I'm approaching to wait on a 6-8 person line a light turns on for another register and I book it over there real quick. I load up the conveyor belt with my stuff and as the lady is about to start scanning I hear a very faint 'excuse me sir'.. 'excuse me'. Now i'm thinking oh great some jackwagon is gonna make me move all my crap off the belt because he or she was in the hugeass line and waiting longer than I was. As I turn I become aware that it's actually this tiny old lady who has an entire shopping cart with her which is completely empty save for 2 small small items. She's staring up at me with tiny beady cat eyes and says 'Do you mind if I go first... i'm in a lot of pain and I only have 2 things.' Now... I was tempted to just be like, sorry lady I'm tired as could be and if I don't get home soon I will literally pass out mid-walk and crack my skull open leading to my own death.. do you want that on your conscious? Fortunately for the lady I have a soul even tho I can be pretty dastardly at times. So I said of course, you sure can it's no problem. I let her cruise through the checkout (20 minutes trying to pay with pennies), and then she said thank you thank you and began walking away. After she got a good distance away I realized she forgot her 2 items so I ran them over to her and she looked like she was going to cry. Not sure if it was out of joy for my chivalry, or pain cause of her back spasms and rickets. Either way I felt pretty good about myself... go me.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Step... or mis-step?
UPDATE: I successfully repaired the drug dealer scale and am proud to announce that it is fully operational and can weigh things in grams, ounces, dwt (penny weight aka 1/240 of a troy (aka 1/240th of Helen of Troy's weight which was approx. 120 lbs)) and ozt (which stands for oldies-teeth, aka weight in old people's teeth (for example, a typical gallon of milk weighs aprox. 1673 ozt)). These are all the typical measurements that drug dealers use, I know this because I googled it. Try it out, you'll see.
Boom! For a reference, that is a dime on the scale, it probably fits about 9 of them side by side. Now you may finally realize why I said it's a drug dealer scale... it literally is... dime bags... think about it.
Also today I witnessed something hilar but also quite upsetting at the same time. Upon disembarking from my train in the morn, I was walking to my usual #7 bus to get to work when I casual look to my right. At that exact instant in time I witness a woman wearing some ridiculously big high heels (12 inches minimum for sure) literally crumble to the ground. It was like watching a small child get pegged in the face with a dodgeball. She stepped in some kind of crack in the pavement and sort of tucked and rolled into the fall. Except instead of tucking and rolling forward so she actually did roll, she just sort of tucked and fell over without rolling. Just... tuck and BAM floor. The worst (or best) part about it was that she landed in a puddle as she hit the ground. Quite literally a tidal wave of water sprayed a bunch of other people which was also funny. Of course I was mid stride and already past her as I was watching it happen so I was safe from the tsunami of water and I also was past the realm of being required to help her up. I had instantly thought oh maybe I should go help her out except I saw a ton of other people walk over to her and I was definitely more than 3 steps away (which is the max distance you can be before being required to help someone from an accident (unless of course it's a small child about to be hit by some kind of object, an old person unawares and about to be hit by some object, or an incredibly hot (insert gender here) whom it would be a shame to see get hit by an object because the loss of their life would literally cause the world to explode)), so naturally I kept walking.
It was pretty interesting because I've never really seen anyone fall with heels on, guy or girl... (unless they were drunk of course, in which case I've seen both guys and girls do it) so I'm glad I got to witness it. Although I do feel a little bad. Hope it doesn't happen to me.. Sorry I actually am sorry Karma... but not even a little sorry for blogging.
Also today I witnessed something hilar but also quite upsetting at the same time. Upon disembarking from my train in the morn, I was walking to my usual #7 bus to get to work when I casual look to my right. At that exact instant in time I witness a woman wearing some ridiculously big high heels (12 inches minimum for sure) literally crumble to the ground. It was like watching a small child get pegged in the face with a dodgeball. She stepped in some kind of crack in the pavement and sort of tucked and rolled into the fall. Except instead of tucking and rolling forward so she actually did roll, she just sort of tucked and fell over without rolling. Just... tuck and BAM floor. The worst (or best) part about it was that she landed in a puddle as she hit the ground. Quite literally a tidal wave of water sprayed a bunch of other people which was also funny. Of course I was mid stride and already past her as I was watching it happen so I was safe from the tsunami of water and I also was past the realm of being required to help her up. I had instantly thought oh maybe I should go help her out except I saw a ton of other people walk over to her and I was definitely more than 3 steps away (which is the max distance you can be before being required to help someone from an accident (unless of course it's a small child about to be hit by some kind of object, an old person unawares and about to be hit by some object, or an incredibly hot (insert gender here) whom it would be a shame to see get hit by an object because the loss of their life would literally cause the world to explode)), so naturally I kept walking.
It was pretty interesting because I've never really seen anyone fall with heels on, guy or girl... (unless they were drunk of course, in which case I've seen both guys and girls do it) so I'm glad I got to witness it. Although I do feel a little bad. Hope it doesn't happen to me.. Sorry I actually am sorry Karma... but not even a little sorry for blogging.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Hmmmmm
Friends, I don't want to distract you away from the main article that you should most definitely read below, entitled: 'The Infamous Story of the Bordello Clock'. However recent events today require some attention (plus oh how I have neglected you little blog, so I'm making a renewed effort.. soon you shall flourish from a baby blog into a tweenager).
Two things happened today which never in a million years would I have expected to witness in my lifetime. One may surprise you, one may not.... or they both might... or maybe neither shall... but either way it makes for two interesting tales.
1. A coworker mentioned to me today that their friend was applying to be....... dun dun dun..... PART OF THE BORDER PATROL! Apparently there is some intense training that goes into this, physically grueling fitness tests, fluency in Spanisimo, a high quality credit rating (puhscuse? this one is bizarre), and some regular mental competency tests. I never expected to hear about anyone actually signing up for this... I mean... you just sort of assume the hillbillies down south decide to mosey on over there and set up shop for a couple days so they can shoot stuff. But apparently we have some kind of national border patrol task force, always on the watch. Props to that guy/gal whomever they may be... I guess props... honestly, please comment and tell me if you've ever heard of someone no more than two spheres of friendship (aka not more than a friend of a friend) away from you doing that.
2. This wet evening I ventured upon what I believe to be a very important artifact shoved into the rain sodden grass. It was quite muddy, but it's tiny little digital screen was all too clear to me once I picked it up. No not a cell phone (like I thought it might be.. damn coulda used one), but this was in fact a drug dealer's measuring scale. How do I know it came from a drug dealer you might be wondering... the simple answer is... it literally couldn't measure anything larger than about 4 quarters put together. Actually make that 25 DIMES. This thing is tiny ACB (as could be), like cell phone sized or even a bit smaller. For sure a drug dealers, I am 100% certain. I plan on retracing my steps in the morning and locating where I found it, perhaps I will find some crack pipes, heroin needles, and other assorted drugly things I can sell to little kids on the train for a small profit. Don't judge, gotta pay the bills any way I can in this economy. But I'm letting the scale dry out in my car for the night, i'll have an update post tomorrow hopefully with a picture to show you how drug-tastic this scale looks.
Interesting day to say the least... now please scroll down some more and continue reading the Bordello clock post and any others you may have missed since you last peaked in!
Two things happened today which never in a million years would I have expected to witness in my lifetime. One may surprise you, one may not.... or they both might... or maybe neither shall... but either way it makes for two interesting tales.
1. A coworker mentioned to me today that their friend was applying to be....... dun dun dun..... PART OF THE BORDER PATROL! Apparently there is some intense training that goes into this, physically grueling fitness tests, fluency in Spanisimo, a high quality credit rating (puhscuse? this one is bizarre), and some regular mental competency tests. I never expected to hear about anyone actually signing up for this... I mean... you just sort of assume the hillbillies down south decide to mosey on over there and set up shop for a couple days so they can shoot stuff. But apparently we have some kind of national border patrol task force, always on the watch. Props to that guy/gal whomever they may be... I guess props... honestly, please comment and tell me if you've ever heard of someone no more than two spheres of friendship (aka not more than a friend of a friend) away from you doing that.
2. This wet evening I ventured upon what I believe to be a very important artifact shoved into the rain sodden grass. It was quite muddy, but it's tiny little digital screen was all too clear to me once I picked it up. No not a cell phone (like I thought it might be.. damn coulda used one), but this was in fact a drug dealer's measuring scale. How do I know it came from a drug dealer you might be wondering... the simple answer is... it literally couldn't measure anything larger than about 4 quarters put together. Actually make that 25 DIMES. This thing is tiny ACB (as could be), like cell phone sized or even a bit smaller. For sure a drug dealers, I am 100% certain. I plan on retracing my steps in the morning and locating where I found it, perhaps I will find some crack pipes, heroin needles, and other assorted drugly things I can sell to little kids on the train for a small profit. Don't judge, gotta pay the bills any way I can in this economy. But I'm letting the scale dry out in my car for the night, i'll have an update post tomorrow hopefully with a picture to show you how drug-tastic this scale looks.
Interesting day to say the least... now please scroll down some more and continue reading the Bordello clock post and any others you may have missed since you last peaked in!
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