Dear Katy Perry

I would never leave you.

- Tom Lord

Ok...

Alright so don't yell at me, I know its been a while since the last post. Let's just say i'm fat and lazy. Literally have gained 20lbs since I moved out away from Boston. It's hell. I have a couple posts that I will do my best to get to before Xmas and the topics are as follows:

• The last of the Movember pics.
• Thanksgiving with my fampam.
• My company's holiday party.
• Wine night with Tot.
• Christmas cookies and how I love them.

That is all. Kbye.

Quick beard-status

The beard continues to grow. I've noticed the 'stache is beginning to reach to my lips and it's feeling a bit weird. Awkward food stuck up there too one time, luckily I was hungry later on in the day and it actually came in handy... mmm.. turkey. I apologize for the lack of posts, this week has been killer. Working twelve-thirteen hours days plus 3-4 hours for commute = at its worst, an 18 hour work day. Up at 4ish to catch the early train to get to work by 630ish, leave work by 8, back to the house by 10. Literally a wish for this to not be my life forever. Oh well - FIGHT, ME. 

Day #11

Day #14

Getting fat as a snail also due to lack of exercise/movement/energy/time. Life. On a happier note, thanksgiving is right around the corner! CANNOT WAIT to get to NC to partake in some feasting on my momma's delicious food. Literally will be 3 days of stuffing my face until I can't breathe. MmmmmMMm.

Day... ACB

Normally I would say it's as dark as the inside of an overgrown snail's shell when I get out of work. But due to a new sign that they've constructed right outside my building it is as bright as if the sun were 2 feet away and shining directly into your face. I kid you not this thing glows like an enormous neon glow stick. It hurts the eyes to look at. Your retinas literally are singed every time you look at this thing. Just stare at the pic, you'll see what I mean.

Rough week, I'll continue the driving post at some point later on.

KBYE!

Movember Begins - Crazy Drivers Continue - Rochester Madness

Movember Log:

Day 1 - Clean shaven.. oh I shaved in both directions, with and against the grain, just to ensure I wasn't cheating & at the optimal smoothness.

 Day 4 - The end of the week, the stubble is just amassing (although u can't really tell cause my beard is blonde as a snail who has been in the sun for a hundred days).

Day 7 - The beard has become self-aware..

 That last one was a little terminator humor for ya... guys should know what i'm talkin bout. Ha. Ha.

Now getting back to my previous post on kinds of driving, I believe I was about to describe number 2 on the list, Passive.

2. Passive - I think we're all pretty much entirely familiar with passive driving (unless you're a monster truck driver... or even just a regular truck driver really). This is straight up however you drive on any given day when your mood is between raging hot death and tranquilized like a druggy. Generally this type of driving is preferred  by all and it helps to maintain civility on the road. People often can't differentiate between passive driving, oblivious driving and old people driving so I'll take a moment to describe the subtle differences. For one thing.. you have to be old to drive like an old person. There is literally no way to fake driving like someone who's old. They're unpredictable in a very predictable way.. which makes copy-catting their moves and techniques neigh impossible. You'd probably have to be somewhere between drunk, blind, high, and experiencing extreme pain for your driving to come even close to theirs. Some signs of old people driving.. swerving (drunk), turning onto the road with little regard for other cars (blind), the ability drive & have it appear as if everything is under control, while either not looking or while leaning very close to the windshield (high), switching lanes when no lanes are present, driving in multiple lanes at once, or accelerating and decelerating on a whim (extreme pain). They might not all make sense to you just now, but you'll notice it at some point when you are stuck in front of or behind an old person. Oblivious driving is more to do with your emotional state of mind at the time than anything else, it's pretty much the young persons "old people driving". Back to passive driving... as I was saying before, generally the best kind of driving except on occasions when it ins't conducive for the situation. For example, most traffic jams/rubber necking is caused by passive drivers... they are so calm and collected that upon seeing a wreck or some kind of flashing lights they become absorbed in whats going on and not on how fast they're going. This can lead to more accidents and severe delays for you and the rest of the entire world. My example of passive driving would be when I'm cruising home and rocking out to some Adele (she's a peach - almost a gem) at the top o my lungs.

I've described a lot about Old drivers but I will go more into that on my #5 post since there still is much that could be said.

Ooohh Rochester.... instead of taking 3 hours to provide for you a blow by blow (literally) account of the weekend, I'll sum it up with some carefully chosen pictures (not of the weekend) with some captions.

The long road to Rochester NY

Filling up the tank

 

Up the wazz

SEE FRIENDS!!!

Costumes

Partying, dranks, general organized CHaos

Tha BAAAAAHs

Walking home: Intox'ed for sure

Punched.

Penn State?

Safe ride home.. lost gum.

Justifiable anger towards me

Sleep.. recovery

Forgiveness

Repeat... minus all the punches/cops/anger

Drive home to blizzardy hell

Thus ends another weekend I shan't be forgetting any time soon. Life returns to normal... and so will the strombole be returning to his normal home on the east coast, in a few short days. He's just COMIN IN. Theme-ing his weekend in Boston as follows:

Pass Me on a Double Yellow... OH REALLY.

First off... DAMN YOU WALMART. Been out and about looking for a heaty blanket because the house i'm living in gets to be -31239123 degrees at night. It's basically like there are no windows at all. I get out of the shower in the morning and the steam is just radiating off my bod, and then about 5 minutes later my hair is nearly an icicle. It is literally frigid. So cold right now that my fingers are going numb. Well anyway today I went to Wal-Mart (Target yesterday) and was planning on making it an in and out mission. But of course as soon as I walk into the store BAM, 'ween candy up the wazz. Now normally i'd be like 'f that crap, way too expensive for my taste buds', but of course they had to put up some damn '50% off Halloween Candy' signs. So naturally I have to browse for some deals. And i'm figuring that nothing in the entire store could be that expensive and of course they have NO PRICES on them whatsoever. Well guess what... everything is still friggin expensive. I bought a bag of candy that was $20 bucks, so it cost me $10! I was expecting $2.50 or something.... it was terrible. I know ten isn't a lot, but I mean.. I would not have gone for it at all. Obviously couldn't back out of the transaction because when I realized how much it was as the lady scanned it, the line was a billion people long behind me and people were already yelling a bit (wtf, is this the speedy chexout or what!). So now I have a 20lb, $10 bag of candy to eat. Fat as can be in t-minus 1 week. FAIL.

Secondly, I'm about to rant HARD on the wonderful dummys share the road with me. Let me just say that I don't consider myself a perfect driver. I don't always make the smart move when it comes to driving, but on the whole, I like to think I do a pretty decent job of respecting the road, other people, and my sweet little bullpup (mah car). Now I've had some time to think and I've decided that there are generally 5 different kinds of driving (not drivers, but ways of driving... anyone can drive these ways (even the last one)). They are as follows: Aggressive,  Passive, Oblivious, Dumb and Old driving. Lets run through them one at a time:

1. Aggressive: This is the kinda guy who passed me on the road today. I don't usually drive slow, in fact most of the time I'm gunnin' it around town doing 7 or 8 mph over minimum. When I see someone riding my ass and I'm going above the speed limit already I have 1 of 2 moves that I usually pull. One is to slow down to the speed limit and just start laughing. The other is to just accelerate to a good 20 or 30 mph over the limit and cruise away. So when this guy was riding my ass today I decided to employ technique #1, I just slowed down to a crawl (I knew there was a traffic light which usually has a bunch of traffic just over the hill). After decelerating to the max, this guy proceeds to pass me on a double yellow lined road. Now I've been in a hurry before so I know what it's like to want the guy in front to go faster, but never would I ever pass someone like that (or tailgate them like he was to me), it's just a bad move for a ton of reasons. So as this dude passes me I'm like whaaat, but then I laugh cause I know he's about to hit a butt ton of traffic, which of course he does! So I basically pull up behind him as close as could be and just keep inching and inching, throw on the high beams too of course. The dude then pops out of the lane again but this time on the right and flies down the shoulder and through a motha flippin red light!! It was nuts. Like for reallz with you and your absurd driving?! Dude must have been preggers & birthing. Just don't enjoy being that kind of driver or being pursued by one. I usually only hit aggressive mode when someone does something really stupid, but even then I usually just curse really loud in an absurd kinda voice which proceeds to make me laugh which then turns into me shrugging it off. A wish for people to chill out in this econ, it would reduce the # of accidents. FOR REAL.

I'll continue my next couple posts with some descriptions of encounters with these other types of driving (and perhaps my experiences driving that way).

Suck It Prostate Cancer. You Fiend.

Movember! or No Shave November! as the world has come to know them, are terms that describe a month celebrating the supreme glory that men can achieve on their faces. It also supports the awareness of prostate cancer in men (equally as important I would say). Now being that I work for a company that prides itself in professionalism I shan't be participating in no shave November. However due to the fact that mustaches are classy as could be, I will begin an epic journey in which I will attempt to acquire a most excellent 'stache via Movember (Movember is focused on the growing of a clean 'stache which accentuates the face but does not overwhelm it with hair). Yes I am willing to risk ridicule and criticism all for making myself look even better than usual through the ways of a 'stache. I don't know how long mine will get in a month or what it will look like, but I hope you will join me on this adventure, I will be updating my Movember profile pic every monday and friday to show how off the manliness. Don't hesitate to cheer me on!@

     

P.S. Blogging about the Rochester trip over the coming weekend when I have 2-3 hours to devote to it!

I'm in a Lot of Pain and I Only Have 2 Things

Dearest Bloggy-Poo,

     I've hit quite a dry spell in the blog department the past couple of days. Literally life has been boring as a snail being a snail. In fact it's been so bad that I was tempted to just make a blog post all about my wonderful flannels. However due to the jealousy and pure hatred this would stir in your souls, I have decided to avoid this course of action. Luckily today I witnessed two lovely things that I will now share with you.

    Returning home from work I managed to acquire a pretty nice spot on the train. How can any spot on the train be 'nice' you may wonder.. what does 'nice' really mean in the brain of TL you might also think.. or possibly you might be wondering what your next beverage will be today. I can answer all those questions simply. A 'nice' spot on the train in my brain and in real life is a seat that has been reupholstered in the past 2 months max. The seat looks brand spankin new & they've even put new foam in it so you don't sink down three feet when your bum hits it. These new seat are... how do you say... el whapo primero. Your next drink will be an orange fanta. Well anyway as the train begins to swell with passengers I merrily begin to read my book and glance up at the people boarding on occasion (to see if there is anyone I can blog about), when all of a sudden a pretty attractive chick comes and sits down next to me. Now my seat is a 2 seater so generally whoever sits next to you is awkwardly close. So I like to think that there were still a ton of seats open (aka sitting next to me wasn't a last resort) and she actually wanted to sit next to me. Essential the story boils down to me attempting to work up the courage to literally just say 1 word to her. As many of you know I have no interpersonal skills what-so-ev. I had a ton of opportunities to say something... first she started playing the game Jeweled or something on her nook guy. I watched for a little while and thought about suggesting a move to make in the game... but decided that would be too weird. Then she whipped out her phone cause her ringtone went off (she ignored the call)... I didn't know the song.. DRAT! Lastly she pulled out a crossword puzzle and started to zoom through it. I thought 'Now's my chance... I'll just find one I know and say it to her.. boom 1 word and i'll feel great about myself'. Well as you might guess I pretty much just sat there staring at her puzzle (I think she looked at me a few times funny but I was too focused on trying to get a word.. which I did pretty quickly). After figuring out what my word was I was about to say it when she filled it in on the damn board. Round 2... same thing happens.... 3, same... and when it gets to be the 4th time for this she stands up and leaves because it was her stop. Needless to say I was furious with myself and cried most of the rest of the way home.
      Tale #2: Whilst driving home I decided to pick up some dinner at Target, per my standard routine these days. I perused the aisles for a while, buying some food and beverages. Eventually I collected all my stuff and went to the register. Of course my luck has been quite divine lately so as I'm approaching to wait on a 6-8 person line a light turns on for another register and I book it over there real quick. I load up the conveyor belt with my stuff and as the lady is about to start scanning I hear a very faint 'excuse me sir'.. 'excuse me'. Now i'm thinking oh great some jackwagon is gonna make me move all my crap off the belt because he or she was in the hugeass line and waiting longer than I was. As I turn I become aware that it's actually this tiny old lady who has an entire shopping cart with her which is completely empty save for 2 small small items. She's staring up at me with tiny beady cat eyes and says 'Do you mind if I go first... i'm in a lot of pain and I only have 2 things.' Now... I was tempted to just be like, sorry lady I'm tired as could be and if I don't get home soon I will literally pass out mid-walk and crack my skull open leading to my own death.. do you want that on your conscious? Fortunately for the lady I have a soul even tho I can be pretty dastardly at times. So I said of course, you sure can it's no problem. I let her cruise through the checkout (20 minutes trying to pay with pennies), and then she said thank you thank you and began walking away. After she got a good distance away I realized she forgot her 2 items so I ran them over to her and she looked like she was going to cry. Not sure if it was out of joy for my chivalry, or pain cause of her back spasms and rickets. Either way I felt pretty good about myself... go me.

Step... or mis-step?

UPDATE: I successfully repaired the drug dealer scale and am proud to announce that it is fully operational and can weigh things in grams, ounces, dwt (penny weight aka 1/240 of a troy (aka 1/240th of Helen of Troy's weight which was approx. 120 lbs)) and ozt (which stands for oldies-teeth, aka weight in old people's teeth (for example, a typical gallon of milk weighs aprox. 1673 ozt)). These are all the typical measurements that drug dealers use, I know this because I googled it. Try it out, you'll see.

Boom! For a reference, that is a dime on the scale, it probably fits about 9 of them side by side. Now you may finally realize why I said it's a drug dealer scale... it literally is... dime bags... think about it.

Also today I witnessed something hilar but also quite upsetting at the same time. Upon disembarking from my train in the morn, I was walking to my usual #7 bus to get to work when I casual look to my right. At that exact instant in time I witness a woman wearing some ridiculously big high heels (12 inches minimum for sure) literally crumble to the ground. It was like watching a small child get pegged in the face with a dodgeball. She stepped in some kind of crack in the pavement and sort of tucked and rolled into the fall. Except instead of tucking and rolling forward so she actually did roll, she just sort of tucked and fell over without rolling. Just... tuck and BAM floor. The worst (or best) part about it was that she landed in a puddle as she hit the ground. Quite literally a tidal wave of water sprayed a bunch of other people which was also funny. Of course I was mid stride and already past her as I was watching it happen so I was safe from the tsunami of water and I also was past the realm of being required to help her up. I had instantly thought oh maybe I should go help her out except I saw a ton of other people walk over to her and I was definitely more than 3 steps away (which is the max distance you can be before being required to help someone from an accident (unless of course it's a small child about to be hit by some kind of object, an old person unawares and about to be hit by some object, or an incredibly hot (insert gender here) whom it would be a shame to see get hit by an object because the loss of their life would literally cause the world to explode)), so naturally I kept walking.

It was pretty interesting because I've never really seen anyone fall with heels on, guy or girl... (unless they were drunk of course, in which case I've seen both guys and girls do it) so I'm glad I got to witness it. Although I do feel a little bad. Hope it doesn't happen to me.. Sorry I actually am sorry Karma... but not even a little sorry for blogging.

Hmmmmm

Friends, I don't want to distract you away from the main article that you should most definitely read below, entitled: 'The Infamous Story of the Bordello Clock'. However recent events today require some attention (plus oh how I have neglected you little blog, so I'm making a renewed effort.. soon you shall flourish from a baby blog into a tweenager).

Two things happened today which never in a million years would I have expected to witness in my lifetime. One may surprise you, one may not.... or they both might... or maybe neither shall... but either way it makes for two interesting tales.

1. A coworker mentioned to me today that their friend was applying to be....... dun dun dun..... PART OF THE BORDER PATROL! Apparently there is some intense training that goes into this, physically grueling fitness tests, fluency in Spanisimo, a high quality credit rating (puhscuse? this one is bizarre), and some regular mental competency tests. I never expected to hear about anyone actually signing up for this... I mean... you just sort of assume the hillbillies down south decide to mosey on over there and set up shop for a couple days so they can shoot stuff. But apparently we have some kind of national border patrol task force, always on the watch. Props to that guy/gal whomever they may be... I guess props... honestly, please comment and tell me if you've ever heard of someone no more than two spheres of friendship (aka not more than a friend of a friend) away from you doing that.

2. This wet evening I ventured upon what I believe to be a very important artifact shoved into the rain sodden grass. It was quite muddy, but it's tiny little digital screen was all too clear to me once I picked it up. No not a cell phone (like I thought it might be.. damn coulda used one), but this was in fact a drug dealer's measuring scale. How do I know it came from a drug dealer you might be wondering... the simple answer is... it literally couldn't measure anything larger than about 4 quarters put together. Actually make that 25 DIMES. This thing is tiny ACB (as could be), like cell phone sized or even a bit smaller. For sure a drug dealers, I am 100% certain. I plan on retracing my steps in the morning and locating where I found it, perhaps I will find some crack pipes, heroin needles, and other assorted drugly things I can sell to little kids on the train for a small profit. Don't judge, gotta pay the bills any way I can in this economy. But I'm letting the scale dry out in my car for the night, i'll have an update post tomorrow hopefully with a picture to show you how drug-tastic this scale looks.

Interesting day to say the least... now please scroll down some more and continue reading the Bordello clock post and any others you may have missed since you last peaked in!

The Infamous Story of the Bordello Clock

She's a dime, that's top o' the line.

Part two will have to wait... must post this urgently before I forget it.

This one is a magical tale. First let me introduce you to a nice old lady named Mary. Mary happened to sit next to me on the train. And by 'sit next to me on the train' I mean a row back and to the right between two other older folks. Now let me paint you a picture of what Mary looks & sounds like. I'd say looks wise, she's a mesh of the really really old lady in the beginning of titanic (Gloria Stuart) and M from James Bond (Judi Dench). And she sounds pretty much exactly like Betty White.

So whilst Mary was on the train with me I was able to learn quite a bit about her (she can project her voice like there's no tomorrow... literally so loud your ear drums will explode and your brain will shatter instantly leaving you dead.. and without a tomorrow). I was actually in and out of sleep for most of the train ride and I swear to you every time I woke up she was talking.

Before I passed out the first time she was talking about trains and how they make her sick when she is facing the wrong way on them. Then she talked about what stop they needed to go to, Worcester, which she really isn't a fan of... oh and did I mention that she doesn't really like Boston either... but she has a lot of relatives in the area. She does like to look at the city from the water though, she thinks it's pretty fun and beautiful, there aren't as many people on the water which she really enjoys, but she does hate getting sea sick. It's not fun for her so she has to take medicine AT LEAST an hour before she gets on the boat. Speaking of boats her sisters and brothers (3 of each) have boats too, which they use pretty often although they're starting to get too old for them. But she thinks that they'll still be.... 

.... this is the point at which I passed out for the first time....

 I woke up again about 2 or 3 more times hearing things pretty similar to the above. She just sort of went from topic to topic with her friends just adding in OooooooOOs and AaaaAAhhhS. Now for the Infamous Story of the Bordello Clock. Let me first inform you of what a 'bordello' is. Defined by www.webster.com: "a building in which prostitutes are available" but also defined by www.urbandictionary.com as: 'A brothel or whorehouse' - example sentence: After I gave up drug-smuggling, I bought a bordello in Tangiers. Make sure you check out the definition because they have bordello mugs and t-shirts! 

Anyway, back to the story. Let me lay a little ground work just like Mary did. Her great grandparents were from Germany and lived there all their lives. Her Grandparents moved from there to Belgium for a time until they moved back to Germany. Her parents moved from Germany to Illinois before she was born. She was born in Utah in the year 1938. She lived there for a while with her family until they moved to Chicago where business was better for her Dad (sadly I never learned what line of business he was in, but I think it was some kind of farming... why Chicago? I have no idea.. closer to the consumer maybe). When Mary was just a young adult (this was 1958) her mom, her, and the rest of her family headed down to Florida for a little vacation. They met her parents parents (her grandparents) there, who boated in from Germany to have a nice big reunion (apparently the family was pretty well off). There he Grandma passed on to her family a GORGEOUS (yes she emphasized this) clock made of some kind of stone, she thinks marble (I was going to insert a picture of what it looks like in my head but sadly the blog is grumpy today). It had gold on its clock face and the numbers were outlined in gold as well. The clock apparently was crafted in the 1880's and her Grandpa somehow acquired it. A few years after her Grandma passed the clock on to them they were in one of the Carolina's (she can't remember) and her Mom took the clock to a clock maker and asked him to remove its "guts" as she called them, and to put in a battery operated system (apparently her Mom was absolutely thrilled with how great of an idea this was). But Mary, being a sprightly 26 was pretty peeved (secretly, she never told her Mom) because she thought it was an amazing heirloom... and now thanks to her Mom, most of its value was destroyed. So years later when her Mother passed it on to her she took the clock to another clock-man who gave her this entire back-story on clocks such as the one she had. Unbeknownst to her Mother, the clock had been the typical kind of clock you would find in BORDELLOS (she said her Mom would have had a heart attack if she had known). The man was confident that the clock had to be from one. This made Mary pretty upset, because she figured her Grandpa had to have known this, and maybe he frequented the bordello that used to own the clock. She was tempted to just sell it and get the idea out of her brain but she finally convinced herself that he loved his wife very much and that he must have bought it at some kind of "bordello garage sale" (her words, not mine). So Mary asked the clock-man if there was any way he could restore the clock or put in some older guts that were similar to the ones originally in the clock. The man had just the ticket! He told her he had just received some very old parts from a different clock with almost identical inner-workings as the clock she had. He was able to restore the clock and she says that now it would be almost impossible for you to tell that the original clock was ever a battery powered bordello clock. 

She says she proudly displays it right on her mantle at home, and she would take her two friends to see it as soon as she could. I of course was eager to join the gang and head out to see the clock... but dang it all... I had to get off the train, it was my stop. I heard her just starting to go into the story of how she met her first husband as I walked off into the sunset. I have to admit, I felt really close to her... I kind of miss hearing her sweet loud songbird voice on the train. Today was bratty 16 year old's talking about douchebags??? Idk it was weird. Certainly not anything as cool or badass as a bordello clock. Oh well, Mary will forever be in my heart and mind.

And as I took my final step off that train, I quietly wished Mary health, happiness, another husband, and for that bordello clock to keep ticking for many long, long years to come.

Part #2: GIRL-WAS-WACO

Part #2 IS JUST COMIN IN HOT......... tomorrow. Just had so many plans for today and this weekend, but oh they were cast asunder and shattered like my dreams of being uber famous. Instead I will leave you with a quick little game I like to play sometimes called: Goahead & Input Random Letters into Webster.com And See Words that Assortedly Come Out (GIRL-WAS-WACO). I put in: 'cluiside'. The 3 best word suggestions to come from it - #1. 'cussed' - as in, I cussed all of you out for not liking Wendy's enough to support me and assist me monetarily in my decision to purchase one and run it with my future bride-to-be Hot Wendy's Girl whom will have my future 5 kids who will also grow up to be Wendy's owners and my family ancestry from that point on will solely be remembered by relating their name to how many Wendy's they owned. #2. 'chiseled' - as in, Wow Tom it's so nice to see how chiseled your abs are looking today, I really am blessed to witness them and I must say they perfectly match your chiseled jaw line and your chiseled yet supple elbow bones. And lastly #3. 'chili sauce' - as in, WHOA Joel you best watch out cause I saw Alex secretly slip some of those sick ghost peppers into that chili sauce causing it become en fuego, meaning your mouth will literally catch fire and you'll slowly burn alive from the inside out so that your remains are just a smoldering sack of empty skin.... so once again I reiterate, be careful.

GIRL-WAS-WACO is the best.

Till tomorrow blog. ONO.

To Russia with Love

This post is dedicated to all of my Russian readers out there (apparently my fan base reaches from the US to South Africa and over to Russia). Just spreading the wealth as much as could be, especially in this economy where wealth is not always distributed in the most logical manner. 

So its been some time since my last post and do I have some juicy little stories for yall. The first involves a certain SibLid's birthday partay. It was a gathering of men so to speak. We ate, we drank, we walked, we talked, we drank more, we took/spit out pocket shots, we got recorded for a tv dating show, we drank more, we tried to dance, we drank more, did some other unmentionable things, and then passed the hell out in one great birthday evening. You heard me correctly... TV DATING SHOW. The 5 of us were asked to get recorded for some kind of on demand dating show for comcast (learn more about it here:  Dating on Demand). Naturally we had pregamed the baaahhhs so we were all feeling pretty good, and no sooner did we walk into the bar, Jose McIntyre's, and order some pitchers (which they had apparently run out of (literally ran out of pitchers, not the beer) from distributing all of them so we went on a quest across the bar to acquire empty ones from random tables) than the comcast biddies were all over us telling us we looked like we really wanted to be on a tv dating on demand show. Of course we all looked at each other and said 'Hell Yea' to doing it (except Tot, camera shy as could be?). Before we even got put on camera we had to sign some release agreements so that they could use our footage if they wanted to. On the agreement they also asked for 3 different screenames for you to make up in case they did use your video (the names would be displayed so people could contact you I guess). I didn't get to see anyone elses names but I remember 2 of mine: "Tom HujOne" and "Tom WanzLuvin". Clever as could be I know

Naturally Nick jumped at the chance first to be filmed first, he's quite the stud so anything to show off his good looks he goes for. The format was pretty straightforward, camera is pointed at you, girl sits off-camera reading you questions, you respond with the question and an answer to it. No cursing or profanity allowed. It was pretty loud at the bar so we couldn't really hear what each person was saying while they were doing it, you caught things here or there but mostly couldn't get the full responses so keep in mind that most of my quotes of other people (even my own quotes) may not be entirely accurate and you should ask whoever said it. Also keep in mind we were all feeling the effects of some prebar shots... and by shots I mean we drank straight from the bottle (badass? I think so). So Nick goes first and is answering questions and about mid way through one of his responses he literally stands up and just rips his shirt off. Just grabs it and tears it apart sort of like what Hulk Hogan would do. Of course we all think nothing of it cause it's Nick...... OK that really didn't happen but I bet you if had he thought of it, he probably would have gone for it. At one point the girl asked Nick something like 'tell us some things about yourself'. To which he responded something along the lines of, 'I like to play Lax, lift, read, and I know my way around the kitchen.. in more ways than one'. Nate went next and had some pretty funny lines (ask him about them because oh I couldn't hear his responses over the music and my memory is as poor as could be). When I got up there I was feeling pretty great.. normally I would be nervous but I had prepped a template in my head of a response for every question they could possibly ask me. I would simply repeat the question, and then somehow word it so that I would say "I mean, common, I look good". Now I gotta say, it didn't work out exactly as I had planned, but I did get to use it quite a bit if I remember correctly. At one point they asked me what I look for in a girl and I think I managed to turn it around to be 'Well I want her to laugh at everything I say, basically to be really into me, because I mean, common, I look good.' It was fantastic, and I gotta say, I really nailed the whole thing. When JBabes got up there is when things took a turn for the more interesting. He had been pretending to be flashing Nick while Nick was filming, so Nick decided it was a great idea to actually flash J while it was his turn as a little bit o revenge. He literally just whipped it out (not on camera) and J was just cracking up all over the place, it was great. 

That's most of that story.. although there is some other stuff that transpired that night, but its a secret haha! I need to do some crap now but I'll finish the second part of the post (other interesting events) by the end of the night hopefully. ONO (over n out).

Taking a Poon Tour

I haven't forgotten thee little blog. It has been a slightly hectic weekend, but successful in that the oil is now fresh in my car and I got to visit with Nate & his house mateys. Fail of the weekend: recovering all the sleep i've been lacking. I'll work on that guy at some point... eventually.. maybe.

Anywho, I surprisingly have nothing in terms of funny stories to share with you... I know....... actually I know I had some but I can't remember what they were. Okay just thought of a little one. So I was the designated breakfast bringer this past week at work (every friday someone brings in bagels to the office for everyone as a treat). Naturally since I'm a temp I knew it was a good idea to go above and beyond the call of duty so I brought in 2 dozen bagels and TWO cakes. The cakes said something like 'Happy Birthday' and 'Happy Friday' on each one respectively. It was a fellow temps Birthday so I figured I'd be a nice guy & she was having a tough week. So of course 2 things go wrong. 1. The other temp decides not to come to work (hate her) and a different coworker thinks it her day to bring in breakfast and essentially steals the thunder right out from under me. I was a little upset about it, but it worked itself out and everyone loved the cake (I forced many a people to eat it, essentially leaving pieces on their desks). So the day passed pretty uneventfully and when it was time to leave work I came to realize that I had more than 1.25 cakes left and about a dozen bagels still that I needed to bring home... except for the fact that it was a friday night and I had plans to be out and about all weekend. For the rest of that Friday night I was on the look out for homeless people so I wouldnt have to carry around that stuff for the entire weekend and I just didn't have the heart to throw it away. Never found a homeless person (yea huge shocker especially for Boston), but the food turned out to be useful for a late night snackarooni. It worked out perf... although I still have a bunch of bagels... drat.

You may be wondering what Poon Tour I'm talking about in the post title. No it's not a band called Poon's musical tour, nor is it some art gallery with a 'Poon Masterpiece' that I would be touring, and I am certainly not referring to anything inappropriate Poon-wise. It is in fact the Harpoon brewery which I will have the pleasure of touring for free on Wednesday! Very stoked for it, hopefully I'll get some good blog posts out of it!

Well, enjoy the last hours of the weekend bloggees. Over N Out.

Developments

***warning... after writing this I realize it is absurdly long... I should start writing a book... oh well... make sure you have a solid 20-30 minutes for it (that includes brief laughing breaks)*** Where to begin... perhaps I guess I'll start at the end and work my way backwards. So remember how I told you previously that the train exposes you to some pretty badass people watching, yet another example popped up yesterday which I have to share with you. 

       After yet another exhausting day at work (actually exhausting because I have been having trouble sleeping lately, I attribute this mostly to ghosts & the randomness of the temperature in the house i'm staying in). I boarded the train in hopes of getting a window seat, it's my custom to sit there, read as much as my body allows and pass out with my face pressed against the glass. I find a pretty nice 2 seater with a great spot where the window just ends so I have a little train wall pillow.. its hard to explain... but anyway. I sit down and whip out good ole LOTR ROTK and begin to get my reading in. After a couple minutes I see someone walk next to me and attempt to sit in the seat adjacent to me. As he is shimmying himself in I hear him say "Uhhh what the f**k... porn??" and he immediately backs out of the seat and leaves. So I look over instantly to see whats going on and lo n behold there on the seat are 4 porn DVDs. Naturally I got out of my seat and go to browse them (to see if I was missing any of them from my collection) but unlucky for me I already own Chrome Dome Does Daisy and The Hillybilly Shuffle-f***.... HA! I really hope nobody believes that I did that and/or own stuff like that.. or maybe I do?? (no..). I thought about going to look and taking a pic with my phone for the blog but it just seemed a little too sketchy. So after getting a solid glance in (and seeing the DVD on top had a dudes face between a chicks legs) I return to my book chuckling to myself as people continually file into the seat, see the DVDs, then back out and make some comment like "Ewww" or "Thats gross!" and leave. 

      A little bit later I start thinking to myself... all these people keep looking at me... as if I was the one who put the DVDs there as some kind of sick joke or some social experiment. I was tempted to move seats but at that point I wouldn't have gotten a window seat anywhere so I said HELLZ NAW to that and just decided to accept that I would get to see tons more of this funny stuff. Approx. 20 more people attempted the seat (mostly older guys) when an older lady (lets call her OL to move the story along), in her 60s maybe chanced upon the seat. Her first reaction was to try somewhere else but then a minute or two later the OL came back and sat down. I kid you not she actually picked up and looked at each individual DVD and then proceeded to place them on the floor next to her. Again I chuckle to myself, thinking how fortunate I am to experience such great train rides (they almost make up for the length of time the commute takes). 

      For about the next 30 minutes the ride is uneventful. The OL pulls out a book and is reading and people sit down next to her without even realizing anything is there. Then as luck would have it, an African American woman (AAW) with a very loud voice and very open opinions sat down in the seat next to this OL. She doesn't notice the porn right away but she does catch a wiff of one of the most pungent and disgusting farts that I have ever had the displeasure of smelling. The thing wafted in the train for a solid 5 minutes and I was literally gagging. So the AAW smelling this calls up her "guuurl frien" and starts talking EXTREMELY loudly about how someone "shat their pants" and how it smells worse than when her baby poops or something like that. No joke she talks to this other girl on the phone for at least 2 train stops (while holding her nose), just talking about the fart. Even though I can barely breath and think that I'm going to pass out from the lack of fresh oxygen I can't help but face the window and start laughing quietly out loud. 

     THANKFULLY the smell passes and things settle back to normal... until the OL has to excuse her self from the seat because it's her train stop. The AAW gets up and the OL quickly and leaves the seat and the train (with as much speed as she could muster I'm sure... she didn't want to still be on the train when the AAW spotted the videos, but oh she heard the AAW just as she was leaving... I saw her face hahaha!). So the OL is gone/leaving and the AAW sits down, sees the porn, and immediately starts to bug out. She was cursing and laughing and debating to herself why someone left the porn there (I swear she had no inner monologue, she literally just said everything that came to her mind as it happened without any regard). So finally she decides that it couldn't have been the OL's porn. Next she see's an open seat directly behind me so she hops in that and guess what, she's back on the phone with her girlfriend talking about how there's porn in the seat. 

      Right after the AAW leaves the seat an unsuspecting Asian Kid (AK) sits down and notices the porn on the floor immeads. He starts sifting through it with his foot as to avoid detection from me.. great try. This is where it gets good because the AAW starts to narrate to her girlfriend (and to me, and to pretty much the entire train if they aren't asleep!!) about how this AK is "checkin' out da porn, I think he mite like it, ooooo is he gonna take it, he might do it, I think he might.. oh I guess he didn like that kind, too bad for him.. It wasn't my type either" Bahahaha! I was laughing so hard at this point that the AK thinks I deliberately placed the porn there, luckily I have my book in front of me so I point my finger at one of the pages and play it off as if I'm just reading something funny. So recap - OL gone, AAW narrating, AK confused & beginning to regret his seat choice. Sadly I had to leave the train at this point but I could still hear the AAW talking loudly (which confused me cause how could the AK not here what the AAW was saying... perplexing... she was definitely talking loud enough) about the porn. 

      Definitely my favorite train ride to date.

Moving on (.. into the past) let me share with you a quick picture & story. This section I'm titling: 

"Literally HOGS"

So on Saturday I went to visit my parent in Hartford CT for a couple hours (they met me mid-way from Jerz cause they were visiting friends up there). So I go and have a fantastic time seeing them, we catch up and share stories and speak of life. The return trip home is where things get interesting for me. Pretty much just driving and minding my own beeswax when I come up to a red light (a wish that these didn't exist at all). As I'm sitting at the light a biker gang at least 24 strong turns onto the road. Now there was no way in hell they were all going to make it through the light and of course they were all wearing leather jackets and looking all tough with the biddies on the seats behind them. So they use this little tactic where 2 bikers block each lane of the highway (yes a 50mph road) so that the light actually changes to green for us but there are 2 bikes in front of us so we cant go. We literally have to sit there until all their guys make it through (they have 1 car trailing at the end with hazards on... I don't think it was a a funeral procession.. no hearse). So now they are all in front of us taking up both lanes of the highway and the car trailing is running down the middle of this 2 lane road (2 lanes going our way that is). Here's the best pic I could nab of them. 

It's surprisingly clear for where I was and for my camera... luckily I didn't die either. Anyway so like the title suggests these HOGS were quite literally HOGGING the road. This went on for a solid 7 or 8 miles more. Then quite literally 2 things happened in quick succession. 1. As soon as the last biker had turned onto the side street a cop passed me going to opposite way.... he was just a few seconds too late!! That would have been so badass to see him pull over 24 bikers and try to write a ticket... guy would have been dead meat. Fo sure. 2. I passed by this hill on the side of the road (10 yards after the cop) which a pink bus and a pink car on the top. They both had pig snouts attached to the front. Had I been prepared I would have snagged a pic. But much to my saddness... I couldn't. But it was definitely fate that had me see Hogs Hogging the road while a 2 pig cars sat and watched another pig (how the bikers feel about cops I'm sure) go by. Just a lucky day up the wazz. Glad I witnessed it!

The last part of my post I know you'll love. It's a video I sent to Nate, the Strom, and Watz about a certain toilet at work (as you can clearly see... and no it isn't visually disgusting in any way so click play... you wont!). Prepare to hear one of the most gut wrenching sounds ever. I strongly suggest turning up the volume on your speakers now though so you can clearly hear what's going on. Enjoy.

Just imagine pooing (or for the ladies, trying to produce butterflies) with that noise going on.

!

Oh oh! Before you read my other new post below this one, check out what I was able to spell in Scrabble the other day...

Made me so damn proud of myself. <3

They really just don't make them like they used to.

A wish that I had gotten a picture of this today. But take a ride with me on a little adventure. So I have been extremely unwilling to buy food lately, mostly I blame this on the fact that the left turn signal at the traffic light that lets me turn into the supermarket is always red when I get to it... and I simply refuse to take the time out of my day to sit at the light and wait. Stupid light... can a brotha get a light to change every once in a while. Its all HELL. But anyway, since I had essentially no lunch prepared for today I decided to take a stroll down the block (maybe 3/4 of a mile) to the Burger King that was so conveniently built with me in mind no doubt. Upon leaving my building a down pour ensues, which I happened to really enjoy thoroughly (the rain is my favorite). Let me give you a rundown of the route I took.

KEY
Thunderbolt - My place of employment
Star - The "Event"
Heart - Burger King (if only it was Wendy's... literally be there every day)

Okay so now that you know my route things will make much more sense (actually me telling you the route in fact serves little to no purpose other than for me to get in some fun drawing time on my computer). As I'm walking down the Star road that takes me straight to Burger King there seems to me to be construction ahead in the distance, in fact they have the road on lockdown. So naturally my curiosity is tickled and I increase my pace. As I approach the construction site I see many things that honestly wouldn't surprise anyone...
1. About 10-15 guys just standing about talking as if they're planning something but we all know that's not the case.
2. Two dudes standing in a hole in the road (probably speaking of Hot Register Girl at Wendy's in Deposit NY or playing rock paper scissor or some other such thing).
3. People honking because of traffic at the side streets and they realize they're ****ed cause they can't get to where they want to go.
4. Cops at either end staring at the ground/at their cell phones and doing nothing about the honking, not even giving helpful directions.
5. A guy delivering pizza to some other construction workers huddled in a different corner (apparently trying to hide the fact that they ordered pizza from their bosses or other coworkers?)

and the most amazing thing of all that I saw, which I literally had to do a double take for, was the 70 to 80 year old guy in construction working garb shoveling dirt off of the sidewalk. This guy was seriously old... and he was literally the only person doing ANYTHING there.... there must have been 3 or 4 guys not much older than myself, young strapping lads, not as strapping as me naturally, who were just watching him work and eating pizza like 10 feet away. Not to mention when I walked by the old guy gave me the saddest look in the world... like he was abused his entire life and I was the only one who could save him.... like he would share with me his entire life story and it would have been so majestic that I would take him into my home and take care of him forever.... like the only good left in the world depended on me simply saying hello to him and assisting him in shoveling the sidewalk. It took me all my strength not to punch the dudes watching him/grab him by the hand and take him to BK for a real meal.

And possibly the worst part about everything is that on the way back the old guy was yet again the only person doing something (this time trying to pry up a sewer cap, & having one hell of a time doing it... nobody even noticed he was having issues the entire time... the guy must hate his coworkers for real).

They seriously do not make people like they used to.

love?

This past weekend I received a phone call from my dearest most beloved friend Nate. Whilst the phone was ringing I heard the ringtone I had set for him for the first time in 2 years probably (he calls more often but due to phone drownings & changes I haven't heard it in some time). Many of you are probably familiar with the song, however for the newbs in the audience who haven't seen enough scrubs I will share it now --- 

--- The song reminded me of many days gone by. It was quite a wonderful moment for me. Then a few hours later I came across this little diddy on the web ---

--- And THEN I realized Love is a wonderful thing. No matter if its between two Bro's, or a Bro and a Ho, or two Ho's. It just makes sense sometimes. So then I noticed youtube was suggesting this for me ---

--- Which also makes sense to me. So i've decided that this song summarizes my feelings at the current moment ---

--- then I saw this and laughed quite a bit.

To My Dearest Fan...

Gonna start this guy off with a little shout out to one of my biggest fans. You know who you are. I just would like to emphasize the fact that she NEEDS people like me.... like the strombole, to blog. It literally fills her day with excitement, a day that would otherwise be spent studying and reading over tons of icky books trying to learn things. UGH. Who needs that??? Nobody. Everybody needs excitement... suspense... laughter. Fact.

To that end, I bring to you my next blog post, sub-titled "Boston: Chalk-up Another Homeless Person".

Over the past week I've learned that thanks to tons of free time sitting on the train waiting to get to work, I can enjoy some amazing people watching. From the people who don't know how to buy tickets (we've all been there), to the random little children who wander about going from car to car without a parent in sight (yes walking between cars where they could literally just hop right off the train and explode upon hitting the ground..), to the drunk old people who fall over into seats on top of people, there is just so much watching that one can do.. and some many great great stories that can come of it. Today I bring you one of those stories.

So after an exhausting day of work I board the train and try to find a seat as near to the end as possible... I obvi want to reduce my walking time / step distance as much as possible in getting to my car, some call it laziness and I would probably agree. As the train rumbles along I begin to slip in and out of sleep (I usually dream about sleeping on the train, which I know is bizarre... but not gonna lie, it's kinda nice). I get in little pockets of people watching here and there but mostly I'm passed out. Then I wake to hear one of the train conductor dudes talking to this woman in a semi-raised tone, he was saying something like - "Listen just get off at Welsley Farms, go right across the tracks and wait for the inbound train", basically telling the lady she had gotten on the wrong train and she needed to go back to South Station. The dude was frustrated up the wazz and even better for this lady, she didn't speak a word of English. Like none, whatsoever, and she could understand very little of what was being said... even with countless (and I was literally trying to count) hand motions. So apparently she's trying to figure out how to get on a train that was running from a completely different station and she keeps on badgering the conductor (found this info out later on from the gentleman described below). The conductor is peeved because he has to go punch peoples tickets and be the man (they're kinda cool) n what not so he starts fidgeting like hes going to walk away and leave her there at which point you could tell she would literally have broke down crying. Like Superman flying in to rescue Lois Lane, this random professor plaid suit wearing guy shows up and says he knows a little bit of Spanish. So for the next 20 - 30 minutes he is attempting to tell the lady that she needs to exit at Welsley Farms, cross the tracks, and take the inbound train. The conductor is walking back and forth down the train checking tickets and asking if the guy had gotten through to her. This is the point where I begin to laugh, because he passes about a zillion times and it seems like the guy trying to explain things to this lady only knows 4 or 5 Spanish words himself... one that I heard the most: 'ahora' or something like that. It starts getting really crazy and I'm basically on the edge of my seat peering over at these people excited to see how this is going to end (there are also about 50 other people watching). We eventually get to the stop and the lady shakes the dudes hand in one of those 'oh my god you saved my life' kinda ways and she gets off the train. To my astonishment I watch out the window as she proceeds to ask the conductor again how to find this certain station (in Spanish), literally am bent against the glass laughing. He hand motions (214th time) for her to walk around the tracks where she can cross over and wait for the next train. So she nods her head and begins to walk that way. The conductor quickly hops back on, pretty sure he was talking into his walkie talkie saying GO GO GO, and we start moving again. As we're floating away silently into the night I see the lady stop in her tracks and just look around perplexed after only taking 10 or 15 steps. She grabs the arm of a random girl that's walking by and it looks like shes asking the same kind of question shes been asking for the past 40 minutes. Then my last glimpse of her is her just opening her hand and dropping her purse as she stares at our train whisking away. I was giggling like a little kid, I know I should have felt bad... but this lady obviously had had no semblance of a plan when she boarded the train. So now you see why I subtitled this guy "Boston: Chalk-up Another Homeless Person". I think it's pretty safe to assume the lady is either, a. Dead from confusion on the side of some random road in Welsley Farms, b. hitchhiking back to where ever she came from in New York, or c. has adopted the homeless way of life here in Boston, and no doubt I will be seeing her on my train ride back into the city tomorrow morning, singing or playing some kind of instrument with a little bucket to catch whatever alms she may receive. Who knows, but I think she'll make a fine addition to the growing population. Wishing her the best of luck on a speedy walk home.

Can't wait to see what tomorrow has in store for me!

True Life.

2 very interesting things have most recently come to my attention.

1. Bendy straws are the new 'Tamagotchis'
2. Triple Double Stuffed Oreos are not as good as you would think.

Let me break things down for you by #

1. This one is pretty self explanatory therefore I'm going to refrain from explaining... however I will add that  thanks to this article from 2005, bendy straws may in fact protect your teeth from cavities while drinking from them. Not to go into too much detail about the complexities and why the bend is essential but, the curved shape allows air pockets called "bendibulous bubblosous" to be injected into your drink. You may be thinking... duh carbonated stuff already has air in it, well you're wrong. Mostly it's science. Complicated to explain but those bubbles literally put a coating of protective goo on your teeth: hence good for them.

2. Upon seeing the Oreo package marked Triple Double Stuffed Oreos, my curiosity was aroused. Now I was assuming one of two things. Either there would be 3 separate fillings that contained double stuffed cream, or 2 fillings that were triple stuffed. Makes sense right? Well guess what.. 2 fillings, single stuffed with a damn wafer between them. Aka double stuffed with extra cookie to make it a regular cookie. And here's the rub.... they are 100 calories a pop. Outrageous. Completely INSANE. I'm used to guzzling Oreo's like a Hummer guzzles gas (oh you're lucky I didn't go with the explicit analogy). I'm so frustrated at these cookies for really sucking up the wazz and ruining my night that I actually contemplated throwing them out. Then out of sadness I ate the whole pack... thanks a lot Nabisco. Jackasses.

In other news, 10 year anniversary of 9/11 yesterday. God Bless America - Never Forget. 

KBye Bin Laden. KBye Saddam.

R.I.H

Moving crap, sleeplessness, 30 hours of driving and Wal-Marting...

So basically I lied to you. I thought I would have a chance to post something super awesome on that Wednesday last week but guess what... certain circumstances pertaining to a pseudo-roommate led to a 'blog-post cock-block' which really put a damper on the weekend and really on the entire blog. HOWEVER, I just managed to get internet access at my new temporary abode so I'm back and blogging up a storm. I have a ton of stuff I could say but due to the fact that this new room literally has no place for me to sleep currently (stuff everywhere) I will try to keep things short and succinct.

Okay here's the deal with the roommate debacle. I finished up work on Tuesday night and I had originally wanted to pack up everything into my car that night and basically roll out to Jerz to get in around 2am. It was a stunning plan cause who doesn't like driving at 1am when nobody's on the road and you can cruise. Instead I ended up staying until 730PM the next day because the girl whose room I was in left a crap ton of her stuff in the house (to pick up later so she said) and my landlord wouldn't give me my $900 deposit until she had removed everything. Well guess what, she decided to wait till the last minute coming to get her crap. She literally had a mountain of garbo that she should have taken. She shows up at 2pm (told me shed be there at 1030am) with her sister or something and she's all happy go lucky... so she starts grabbing stuff and loading things into a truck she had brought. About an hour in she's like wow I have a ton of stuff (NO KIDDING) and she starts slowing her progress, taking longer to pack and she is just talking up the wazz. Im thinking lets get this show on the road ya dumb girl I want to get home some time this millenium!! So after I empty out the living room of all her crap and toss it in the hallway I start wiping down the floors (stuff she probably should have friggin been responsible for). Next thing you know I notice that the place is just quiet as a lamb chewing on a snail in the dead of winter. Obviously something is wrong cause she was blabbering away for an hour so I head into the hallway and my assumption was correct that she's disappeared along with her help. I hop outside real quick just in time to see her driving off. I'm thinkin wow okay so PLEASE GOD let her being going to unload that stuff and come back for the 221382 tons of other stuff. Of course she doesn't come back at all and she didn't have plans to. It took me and my other roommate about 2 hours to get her to come back and move the rest of her shit (oh yea did I mention that she basically was moving so slow when she came back that I got pissed and did everything pretty much myself). There's so much more stuff I could tell you about her, but maybe it's for another blog post when I remember it and it fires me up again.

Right so moving on to the sleeplessness. I drove approximately 30 hours this past weekend (unintentionally). I wanted the weekend to be one of rest and relaxation... It turned into a driving marathon with approximately 18 hours of sleep total in 6 days. So like 3 hours of sleep a night. I can't really go into the deets with you little blog, but it was quite an experience. A wish to get some sleep tonight.

Let me also touch on a great driving experience. On my way up to Boston from Jerz I decided to bring along my bicycle (aka Neuman's bike) because I thought it might come in handy up here. Chris' parents let me borrow their bike rack in order to bring the guy up here but I guess we didn't attach it to the back of my car properly the first time. Mid-Tappanzee Bridge the rack decides to give-way and it falls off of my bumper. I was driving along and pumping beats, just jamming out at the top of my lungs when I look up and notice that instead of seeing the entire body of the bike, I only see the seat popping up and bouncing up and down. Naturally i'm like OMFG THIS IS NOT HAPPENING AFTER 60 MILES OF EVERYTHING BEING FINE... IT WOULD HAPPEN WHILE IM DRIVING OVER A HUGEASS BRIDGE AND I CANT STOP!!!@*&#!. So luckily a couple of the extra straps held the bike to my car and it didn't fly away into someone else (which would have made them crash (probably off the bridge to their death which would have made me pretty mad)) . I'm dragging the thing for about a mile as its bouncing on the road, people are literally honking as if they think I don't realize i'm dragging it along or that I purposely attached it crappily so it would bounce along and give me some laughs on the road. The stares and glares continue for about a mile until I get to the toll booth at which point I pay the lady and gun it to the side of the road (she yelled something at me which I assume was something like "Hey you're bike is dragging on the ground"... gawd. So I reattach the bike on the trunk, get grease all over my shirt, and have to drive the last 3 miles in fear that it would happen again. Could have been the worst drive of my life... except the KFC stop which made things a bit better.

Lastly I just had one of those moments where you realize somethings are too good to be true. I went to Wal-Mart about and hour ago and picked up a table and chair for my room. The table is a folding one (Just like yours Strom.. yes you're a genious and I fully intend to copy your transportation idea with it) and the chair is one of the beach chair kinda guys with the cup holder in the arm. I know you're thinking why would you get that chair as a desk chair... the reasoning is quite simple... it has a beer bottle holder built into it... why wouldn't I get it???? Common, rookies. Well anyway, when I was buying the chair I noticed it was the only one of its kind that was on sale for about 10 dollars. I thought it was a bit strange that it was alone but I figured it must have been a great deal and everyone bought the rest of them. So I get home a bit ago and open up the chair. Everything is looking good, right color, texture is perf, cup holder 100% intact... but then... SPOTTED... sand everywhere on the damn chair. All over the seat, stuck to the back of it. It was just like... wtf someone bought this guy to go to the beach and then returned it the next day... honestly... who does that with a $10-$20 chair. Its like... COMMON. So I'm gonna keep the damn thing... not like it's ruined.. just gonna take time for my lazy butt to clean it up. Oh well...

So there it is, the exciting points of my "restful" weekend. If I could I'm confident I could sleep until 5pm tomorrow starting now. Oh well. P.S. my new house's location to the job site required me to buy a $185 dollar monthly train ticket (includes subway and local bus privileges)... you can bet your ass I'm going to be using this damn thing up the wazzz to get my moneys worth.

Enjoy your week people... I know I won't.

Wait for it....

Dear blog, I haven't forgotten about you. Prepping a post of epic proportions in 1 days time (after I return to the homeland (where I was born (aka the greatest state in the union (in the world rather (nay, the universe (yup)))))). Can't wait?? I know you can't but you're gonna have to. Sorry I'm Not Sorry... for making you wait... and for blogging.

You ready for the.... WOOO, hurricane!?

Knowing my luck so far, this is how things play out: Hurricane sweeps by, tree falls on my car. Car has to be towed and cant be repaired. Insurance from NJ wont cover it. Im out a car. Meanwhile I have no place to live because the apartment hunt is an epic fail, no way of transporting my stuff somewhere, and no way of getting home. At least the weekend & a whole bunch of the Ithaca crew will be around!

Dumb Fly.

Bizarre happenings at my house today. Firstly, my landlord showed up and asked if I was going to be showering. He didn't say when, or why he just straight up asked that question. Perplexing. I later learned he was going to be working on a sink in the house so he needed to shut off the water. Kthnx for that info b4 the question. Just a minute ago I witnessed a pretty magical thing. My computer literally killed a fly for me. Saved me 3 steps to a sandal and countless swings of my arm. Needless to say I have to starve myself tomorrow because that's about 1/2 a days worth of exercise I lost, but very thankful for it. So let me explain in detail how it all happened...

1. Random fly buzzing about my head, I cursed at it and thought about moving to attack it.
2. Decided to wait and see if it would fly out the door so I wouldn't have to move.
3. It flew out but came back.
4. Waited more.
5. It flew out and just as I decided to move to close the door it reentered. Didn't have to walk to the door at least.
6. Fly lands on my computer close to the 6inch blade the shoots air out the top of my case.
7. I debate on swinging at it since it is within arms distance. Decide its too risky because I could hurt the computer.
8. Wait some more for it to fly away... it slowly inches toward the fan.
9. I giggle thinking about what would happen if it crawled in.
10. It crawls in! In through a hole in the fan cage and is literally pummeled by the fan for a good 5 seconds.
11. Zzzzttt zztttt zztttt sounds, and me laughing.
12. Fear strikes me that its guts will be sprayed all over the inside of my computer.
13. Luckily it gets spit out through a hole on top.
14. Sigh of relief.
15. It must have been knocked out of its mind because it reenters the cage.
16. More abuse by the fan.
17. Yet another lucky turn for me that it's dead carcass is shot out of the cage and lands on the edge of my desk.
18. Paper toweled and tossed into garbage can... OWNED.
19. I smile after a 15 minute ordeal which ends with the best possible outcome for me... little to no moving on my part.

What started as a terrible day quickly has become one of the best.

Frosted Mini-What??

So I'm gonna make this guy rather quick and to the point. I did my usual once a week 15 minute walk through of rite aid the other day (they're damn tricky and change the sales every week on Sundays... yes I asked... guys gotta save money up the wazz to afford a $23 dollar 30rack of brews) and I managed to come upon a pretty decent deal for the place, $2.50 cereals. Of course they had all the random bran crap that has absolutely no sugar and taste like garbo.. I said hellz naw to it. But as fate would have it, there were 2 boxes left of one of my favorites, the frosted mini-wheats. Now I know it isn't the most delicious cereal on the block but it tickles my fancy and I don't mind sayin it. I grabbed those last two boxes and headed home. 3 days later I decided it was time to get going on the cereal. I don't know what made me check the nutrition facts but I like to think it was destiny... because there under the serving size I noticed something that I had never seen before. Frosted Mini-Wheats are in fact BISCUITS. Seriously take a look right now...

Of course I was perplexed and I immediately had the urge to text whomever I could with this glorious new tid bit of information. After the initial shock wore off though I second guessed myself... thinking this was blog material, fo sho. So here we are... i'm blogging about my new delicious sugar coated biscuits and you're sitting there checking the picture out and reading about them. Great day for everyone.

A Dream. Shattered.

Hello to my millions of fans who continue to read and enjoy the SINS For Blogging site. It's good to have you all here. Yes I realize nobody but you is reading this Strom... I guess I will pretty much direct this next post entirely to you (and throw AO Technology into it every now and again since I'm sure she is just jeal as can be that we both have started/resumed blogging and she's too much of a shoe). So lets just get into it...

I've noticed that my life tends to revolve in pretty much a circle of suck-a-tude.. where in any instant there's about 1 tiny thing going right and about 9 or 10 other things that are just sucking up the wazz. And each moment the thing going right slips away and becomes sucky while 1 little sucky thing shines in tiny goodness. Now i'm not tryin to say I hate my life... cause it is pretty awesome most of the time. But its just like, a wish to catch a break every now and again when it comes to the important things.

To illustrate my point, let me tell you about one of the most recent events. Last night I sent an email out to this chick about subletting her apartment since i'm getting booted in 2 weeks. This place was literally going to be perfect. 2 seconds from the subway, nice sized and furnished, solely for me, and icing on the cake.. it was literally RIGHT ON TOP OF A WENDY'S. 

Okay... do you see where I'm going with this Strom. Smack dab, sitting right there on top of the holiest of grails. It's like a fat kid's dream come true.. or our dream come true. It's better than winning the lottery practically... unless you won the lottery and literally bought 15 Wendy's and connected them all to make a Wendy's fortress. Everything was going great (tiny good thing), the girl sent me an email back being like lets get this going yadda yadda talk to my landlord and we can get it all set up asap blah blah. So i'm thinking this is going to be so damn amazing. Literally I was on cloud nine most of today. Dreaming of frostys every night and fries and double bacon chi's littering my floor. Getting to know the owner so we could be best buds and I'd get Wendy's for free. Well, next thing you know I'm getting home, popping up my email, and that slippery little minx has found out her friend wants the apartment and it's too late for me (bad thing). I was literally about to either vomm on the spot or jump out my window in hopes of cracking my skull open. I chose instead to rip a shot, drink a beer and listen to some depressing music while I write this.

I know Joel's heart was literally a flutter with the news and then just like mine it was crushed in an agonizing instant. AO you probs are just laughing at us and I hate you for it. But who knows.. I could literally have had the hottest Wendy's cashier of all time below my home... literally below me.... and I could have married her for all the unlimited Wendy's in the world... I could have just lived the dream. Instead, I'm blogging, drinking, and letting a single lonely tear drip down my face.

Life hurts.

Suck it Strombole

I'm probably the only person at this point (and in this economy) who still checks Joel's blog, http://strombole.blogspot.com, on a regular basis. Why would no one check his blog any more you ask? Probably because there hasn't been a new post in 2 months... There comes a point each day, usually when I'm bored at home after work (like right now for instance) when I look over at my computer and my gaze happens to fall upon the bookmark to his blog in the toolbar of my GoogChrome window. I then think to myself, "What's the point of clicking it? I know there's not going to be any new posts." Yet for some reason that is incomprehensible even to me, I decide to click it anyway in the hopes that maybe, JUST MAYBE, it has been updated. Though every time I am just disappointed.


Sooooooo...

as a very loving and friendly SUCK IT YA SHOE to one of my dearest friends, Yoel, I am starting my own blog that will basically trump his in almost every way. This isn't to say that if he does decide to update his blog sometime in the next century you shouldn't go check it out... but until then you can hang out here, where there will be blogging up the wazzz.

Love ya Strom!